I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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