I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Even the bartender felt bad for me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
