i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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