you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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