If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
