Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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