her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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