In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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