Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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