Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
