I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
