seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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