i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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