I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
