First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think I just sharted jello shots
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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