That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
