I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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