someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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