he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Two words: blizzard sex
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
