thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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