Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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