If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
