The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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