dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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