That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
