i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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