Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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