A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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