I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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