I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
