So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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