pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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