watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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