I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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