I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
