ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
