I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
