woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found puke in my bra..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
