Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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