i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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