Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
