I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
