i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Can I color on your dick again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize