I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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