Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
