I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
