Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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