Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
