id be glad to
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
