Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
