You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
