apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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