things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
