peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
