mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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