Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
