you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
