I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
