i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
