One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
