You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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