90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
