I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
