No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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