I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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