Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
